Finding self-worth through failure.

When I was a kid I loved model airplanes.

I had several F-16's, B-17's and helicopters hanging from my ceiling from fishing string. My older brother and I would spend weekend after weekend building these models, we would even paint all the interior portions of the model that no one would ever see. I remember laying in bed looking up imagining them in dog fights with each other, what the pilots were saying as they flew past each other. What they would sound like when they flew by.

I was usually pretty happy with the finished product but was always slightly disappointed because of my skill in making what I imagined a reality. Each one I built I got a little more detailed, a little more involved in the process and more accepting of the time it took to accomplish my elaborate goals I had in my head. However, each one just showed me my lack of ability to make it look just like I wanted. I wanted a war torn B-17 clinging to life with the left two engines blown out. Well, at 10 years old this was just a tad bit out of my skill set. I remember becoming more and more frustrated with myself as time went on. I was just not able to create the “look” I had in my head, even though they continuously got better. I was faced with a failure, that no matter how many magazines I could get my hands on for ideas and techniques or how many models I built I was just not able to achieve that level of expertise.

I eventually became more interested in friends and outside activities as I grew up and less involved with models. It didn’t take long for me to forget about them all together.

Fast forward 25 years and I still get that feeling of slight frustration with my abilities and happiness at completed tasks. The vision in my head is usually not the exact outcome of the process or project I have intended. I wanted perfection, a exact replica of what I envision. I used to struggle with starting some projects because I would get so frustrated with my lack of ability to translate what was in my head into reality. Perfection is a monster that is unbeatable and destination that is unchartable.

I struggled for several years pushing myself to be perfect at what I loved to do, to sink all my time, attention, emotions and bandwidth into it. Most of the time to just end up with frustration at the end result. I thought that desiring perfection, was the same as the analogy, “shoot for the moon and land among the stars”, which is flat out not the case. My desire for perfection building war torn replicas of world war two era bombers as a 10 year old is as insane of an idea as me desiring perfection out of myself as a 25 year old small business owner and strength athlete. The fact of the matter is I just didn’t have the time in yet to create the talent to live up to my expectations.

I love the idea of doing my best, I love the idea of being the best. I want to, and will always want to push myself and my abilities. This is ingrained in me deeply, a core value of mine.

One of the many things I have learned though is that expecting perfection without time in and without failure is as unrealistic as climbing Mt. Everest without a jacket.

We can not expect our minds and bodies to achieve perfection without the process that it takes to get there. I look at it as a lift in the gym. If I want to build a heavy deadlift what do I need to do? I record my movement, I send it to a coach or trusted seasoned professional. I read, learn and develop my knowledge base behind the lift and implement that knowledge to the best of my ability. I take each lift daily as a lesson learned, what worked, what didn’t, what needs my attention and what is firing on all cylinders. What does my lift look like in comparison to my goal? Am I making progress? If so then I keep chugging forward. If I am not it’s time to reassess and look at what needs to change as well as what level of effort am I actually putting in.

By taking the time to assess ourselves and our actions we are utilizing our time two fold. We are looking at our life as opportunities to learn and develop as apposed to focusing on the lack of perfection. We can only grow our abilities if we focus on growing. Focusing only when we miss the mark takes your attention away from utilizing the time for growth. We can look at failure and lack of perfection as a guide to help us understand what we need to work on.

We not only build the talent itself but we build up our grit and tenacity to handle let downs knowing they only equal growth.

20+ years into my lifting career I am still in the process of developing my lifts. There will always be something to learn, always be something that could be better. Failure is not just something delt with when it shows up it is an important part of the entire process, it is necessary.